Fear of Aging

When I was younger, I couldn't wait to get older.  I thought that by 24 I would be married and have children.  Boy, was I wrong!  It wasn't until 10 years later that I was walking down the aisle.  During that decade, I worried that I was missing out on marriage, a family, a life.  But, I realized that I was gaining experience in the other paths that I chose for myself.  I wouldn't change a thing.  Those fears turned themselves into growing experiences.

Now, I fear getting older not because of myself and the dreams that I still have awaiting to be fulfilled but because of our parents.  Mark and I are both facing the hard facts that our parents are aging and dealing with health issues.  I feel like at our age, we should not be dealing with this but I know friends who have dealt with it much earlier than we.

There comes a point in our lives when we start to parent our parents.  It hasn't started yet when it comes to my parents - unless it has something to do with technology, I'll almost always get a call.  It was slowly happening with one of Mark's parents until this weekend when we got a HUGE wake up call where we faced a lot of fears and the unknown.  Fortunately, our crisis over the weekend was averted - after more anxiety than I've almost ever experienced and wish to ever experience, everyone is safe, healthy and unharmed.  But, we now know that it is time to start parenting one of our parents.

In our minds, we recognize this need but emotionally we want to go back to what it was before.

Source

It is a delicate dance of supporting a parent in their need to maintain independence but yet ensuring their health and safety.  It is clear that there will always be a denial that the need for help by the parent is there.  And, I understand why that denial is there.  After decades of independence and responsibility of caring for one's children, the situation is reversing - perhaps more slowly in some situations and more quickly in others.

It is a devastating time for all parties involved.  I wish there was a road map to tell us how to navigate this journey but there isn't map.  Instead we'll rely on instinct and need.  And, we'll call in experts as needed.

I know that it will be a bumpy journey but I have faith that we'll get through the maze to the other side.  Hopefully with a little laughter along the way.  Just like the rest of life, I know that these fears will turn into growing experiences - ones that I know will bring me closer to Mark's family and to mine.