A friend, who shall remain nameless (and who I don't believe reads my blog), has been having an affair with a married man for nearly a year now. It is not the first affair that she has had and just like the other one that I'm aware of, I disapprove. I support and encourage all my single friends to find loving, committed relationships but I just cannot approve of one that is mired in infidelity and deceit.
The first affair she was involved in was when I was single. I didn't disapprove but I never really approved of it either - perhaps I was indifferent. I never met that boyfriend and I didn't really want to meet him. This time around I'm married and I have a clear understanding of the sanctity of the marriage vow.
Now, I've met this guy. He's nice, of course, but I'm not surprised. A family man of sorts. She says that he doesn't want to leave his wife because of the children - they have a child who requires a lot of attention because of some special emotional needs. I kind of get that part. But, I wonder if his wife would leave him, if she knew that her husband was having an affair.
There's one more thing. This guy is the partner in a law firm. A law firm where my friend is an associate. No need to say anything more. Right?!
I wonder why my friend gets involved in inappropriate relationships. I think she needs therapy.
I'm not going apologize for the reasons why I can't be supportive. In fact, I am very close to not wanting to be friends with her. I don't think this relationship - the one with her boyfriend - is not going to end well. While I wish her the best and I believe that she truly believes that he will leave his wife once the kids are out of high school, I can't standby and watch and support.
It makes me sick to think of the idea of Mark deceiving me like her boyfriend is deceiving his wife. His family. I think that if he really loves my friend, he would let her go. He would encourage her to find her way into an appropriate relationship or he would end his marriage now.
I wish that my friend would look in the mirror and find the self-respect to leave him. She is an incredibly smart woman who deserves to find a man who can be present in their relationship 100% of the time. I can't tell her that anymore. She has closed her ears and eyes to it. I have to let go. I've definitely stepped back and it makes me sad but I need to do what I need to do.
Am I being too hard on my friend? What would you do if you were in my position?
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