The Family Jewels

Gene Simmons' Family Jewels season premiere on A&E was last night.  For some odd reason, I love this show.  I've watched every single season - usually on demand.  For those of you who don't watch it, the last season was short and very intense.  But let me back up.

Gene Simmons is the front man for the band KISS and his long time girlfriend Shannon Tweed and their two college-aged kids are the focus of the show.  The two of them have been together for a VERY long time and are not married.  Gene has a history of cheating on Shannon.  In the last season, Shannon realized that she didn't want to put up with this behavior.  In a very raw and intimate look into their lives, we see them all go to family therapy and experience how infidelity can affect a home.  At the very end of the last show, Gene proposes to Shannon.

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I don't know why I love this show.  I am not a particular fan of KISS but I love to watch it.  Last night's episode was hard to watch.  Shannon accepted Gene's marriage proposal.  When I first started to watch this show a couple of years ago, I loved their relationship.  I loved how easy the two moved together in a dance of love and marriage (even though they weren't married).  But then the "image" shattered of Gene and their relationship as it was revealed earlier this summer that Gene was cheating on Shannon almost constantly.  Whether his relationships with these other women were purely sexual or just "for company" I can't be for sure but it made me angry at him (which is so dumb because I don't know him, clearly).  I also got mad at her.  How could she tolerate this behavior for so many years?  Why didn't she leave him?  Part of me hopes that it is made up for TV but I don't think it is made up.  I think it is very real.

I know why this show upsets me not.  It's because it makes me uncomfortable.  As a relatively newly married woman, I can't imagine my husband cheating on me but I know that it is possible - just as possible that I could one day cheat on him.  I don't want to think about it.  But, there are times even in our early marriage that I get jealous of a female friend or other friends who are in Mark's life.  It isn't often but occasionally it does happen.  I realize that it happens when there are things going on in my life that are making me feel insecure and/or not as connected to my husband as I usually feel.

It doesn't help that two close friends recently got divorced and another friend is "the other woman."  It upsets me that friends of mine are divorced but I understand and support them.  The friend who is the "other woman" is a friendship that I struggle with and am sadly letting go, quietly.  I can't support her life choice.

Luckily, I can talk with Mark and those feelings of insecurity and jealousy quickly passes.  Marriage is hard work.  It takes time, energy and a commitment to each other to stay connected and remind each other how much we love each other.

I also realize that it is my own emotions that causes the jealousy.  In Shannon Tweed's case, it is clear that it is Gene's fault and not her own insecurities.  I hope never to be in her shoes.  I don't know what I would do especially after a long history of shared love and life that those two have and I don't blame her for not turning her back on him.  It is clear that she truly loves him.  I can see that he loves her but I don't know if he is possible to turn his back on his old ways.  I hope so.

I'll probably continue to watch to the end of the season.  I want to know that there will be a happy ending but I also acknowledge that this is reality TV and a happy ending may not be in the cards.  At least for now, there is a happy ending.  Shannon and Gene were married on October 1.

Do you watch the show?  What would you do?

Fear of Aging

When I was younger, I couldn't wait to get older.  I thought that by 24 I would be married and have children.  Boy, was I wrong!  It wasn't until 10 years later that I was walking down the aisle.  During that decade, I worried that I was missing out on marriage, a family, a life.  But, I realized that I was gaining experience in the other paths that I chose for myself.  I wouldn't change a thing.  Those fears turned themselves into growing experiences.

Now, I fear getting older not because of myself and the dreams that I still have awaiting to be fulfilled but because of our parents.  Mark and I are both facing the hard facts that our parents are aging and dealing with health issues.  I feel like at our age, we should not be dealing with this but I know friends who have dealt with it much earlier than we.

There comes a point in our lives when we start to parent our parents.  It hasn't started yet when it comes to my parents - unless it has something to do with technology, I'll almost always get a call.  It was slowly happening with one of Mark's parents until this weekend when we got a HUGE wake up call where we faced a lot of fears and the unknown.  Fortunately, our crisis over the weekend was averted - after more anxiety than I've almost ever experienced and wish to ever experience, everyone is safe, healthy and unharmed.  But, we now know that it is time to start parenting one of our parents.

In our minds, we recognize this need but emotionally we want to go back to what it was before.

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It is a delicate dance of supporting a parent in their need to maintain independence but yet ensuring their health and safety.  It is clear that there will always be a denial that the need for help by the parent is there.  And, I understand why that denial is there.  After decades of independence and responsibility of caring for one's children, the situation is reversing - perhaps more slowly in some situations and more quickly in others.

It is a devastating time for all parties involved.  I wish there was a road map to tell us how to navigate this journey but there isn't map.  Instead we'll rely on instinct and need.  And, we'll call in experts as needed.

I know that it will be a bumpy journey but I have faith that we'll get through the maze to the other side.  Hopefully with a little laughter along the way.  Just like the rest of life, I know that these fears will turn into growing experiences - ones that I know will bring me closer to Mark's family and to mine.