Days and Nights of Solitude

I don't feel this way at the moment but there have certainly been times where I've sat at my kitchen table in silence and reflected on how alone I feel.  It has been years since I felt this way especially since I met Mark but a friend who is going through a divorce is feeling this way a lot lately.

I'm someone who enjoys the company of friends and family but does not need to be around them all the time.  I enjoy my personal time and space as well.  Luckily, because I work from home, I get plenty of alone time during the day so when Mark gets home from work I'm ready and needing company!

It is much easier for me to connect with friends on a one-on-one basis versus getting together with a larger group of friends.  I'm not as quiet and reserved as I was when I was younger but I'm not one to share my true feelings and experiences as often in a large group.  I'm also OK with not going out on the weekends.  When I was single I often went to dinners and social activities during the week and stay in on the weekends.  I'm not sure why but I enjoyed (and still do now) quiet, relaxed weekends.

When I was single, I would sometimes come home from work and eat dinner in silence.  I remember thinking that life was flying past.  I wondered if those days of waking up, going to work and coming home to an evening of solitude was going to be how the rest of my life was spent.  I thought about whether or not I was OK with the solitude and if I wasn't OK with it how I was going to change it.

I remember coming to two conclusions: 1) I was OK with the solitude.  I enjoy being alone often.  I can focus and accomplish a lot without distractions. And, 2) when I wasn't OK with being alone, I could be social and connect with others.  If I had spent too much time alone, I would force myself to be social.  I would go to happy hours even though I didn't like to drink too much.  I would go for one or two drinks and then come home feeling satisfied with the brief social interactions that I'd had that night.  I would also be sure to schedule at least one social activity on a Saturday night.

There was a time where I thought that there was something wrong with me.  But then I slowly came to realize that there was nothing wrong with me at all.  It was OK to not need to surround myself with people.  It was OK to be my own best friend.  It was OK not to force myself to attend social events when I'd rather be at home on my sofa in sweat pants.  Being alone did not and does not have to be associated with depression and sadness.  Being alone can be associated with calm and peace.  I like the time to better myself and set goals for the future.  I feel empowered.

Source

Now, I'm lucky to have a sweet husband who shares my need for quiet and relaxed on the weekends.  We socialize with friends when events pop up and we go to dinner with friends every few weeks.  But, for the most part, we're content going to dinners and exploring the city and its surroundings on our own.  Mark also goes out for happy hours with friends from work once a week and is able to fulfill his need for more social interaction.

What is your style?  Do you prefer to be more social?  Or do you prefer more solitude?  How do you balance your needs with your partner's needs?  If you're single, how do you meet your social needs if you're not one to surround yourself with hundreds of friends?